Welcome to my Shitpost

socialistexan

Cishet men are never allowed to make fun of astrology ever again.

radiofreederry

balaclava-trismegistus

A truly beautiful piece of American history is that the guy who is most responsible for the M1 Carbine, and who is arguably the godfather of modern autoloading rifles due to inventing the short-stroke gas piston, began designing firearms while he was in prison for murdering a cop that rolled up on his moonshining operation in 1921

balaclava-trismegistus

He got his sentence commuted with the endorsement of the sheriff who arrested him and the widow of the cop he smoked because his guns were cool enough they thought he may "help the country." In 1927. There wasn't even a war.

garbage-empress

was he just drawing up blueprints or like were they letting him make guns in prison as a hobby while the guards were just like "that clever lil scamp's going places"

balaclava-trismegistus

So these are the four prototype semiautomatic rifles he built while he was in prison.

radiofreederry

dailydouyin

by Rhythm梦龙 @ RhythmML

Summertime

hotvampireadjacent

EL CHE LOCATED

somecunttookmyurl

cryptidunknown

3500 years ago a bunch of people decided to build a tower to the sky and now I have to worry about keeping up my Duolingo streak

hell-propaganda

why would you blame the people reaching for heaven instead of the god who cursed them

bunjywunjy

add that one to the list, boys

applejuicewerewolf

You're right and you should say it

hickeywiththegoodhair

patrik-star

daughter-of-sapph0

guys will try to school you on colors as if THEY were the gatherers

mechagrrl

What color is this?

daughter-of-sapph0

pussy

mechagrrl

somecunttookmyurl

bewbin

clandestynie

For the little one! 😎✊

keyforshort

The funniest thing about this is I’ve seen this tiktok so many times, with a different poc declaring their allegiance to this child

saltedwizard

one day we will repay our debts and our sharpened swords and tuned hearts will be of use ( the swords are for cutting food if not used for warfare )

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

"why do we even have that lever" is made funnier by the fact there are only 2 levers to begin with (disguised as a pair of tusks on a statue)

i find the implications hilarious:

kronk only had to remember the location of one lever, and couldn't even manage that
but on the other hand, it's easy to get two identical unlabelled levers confused, this one's on yzma tbh
yzma only needed to make one lever to begin with, but she actively chose to turn the second tusk into a functioning trapdoor. she could have just...just not connected the second tusk to anything. it didn't need to have a function
upon reflection, this also answers the question itself: "why do we even HAVE that lever?" it's because yzma herself specifically designed it as a booby trap. "why do we have that lever?" because yzma had it built to keep people out of her secret lair! yzma made the very purposeful choice to put that lever there! and then both she and her inept henchman immediately forgot about her own booby trap! yzma that is YOUR LEVER!!!!!

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

why do we even have that lever? because you built it yzma. these are the machinations of your own design yzma! YOU ARE TANGLED IN A WEB OF YOUR OWN WEAVING YZMA! YZMA THAT IS YOUR CROCODILE!!!

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

shout-out to everyone in the notes claiming that kronk pulled the wrong lever on purpose. you are so right, this is the face of a himbo who knows what's up

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

#the best thing about kronk is that he is very very competent just at nothing in his actual job description #yzma keeps him around so she can be competent-passing in comparison but she is ALSO a dumbass! #dream team